Subject: Irony, Accountability, Specificity From: LHanawalt@aol.com Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 10:22:40 EDT

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In a message dated 98-08-16 04:28:30 EDT, Andrew Bindon:

<< In the UK we have a form of humour called IRONY. It is a way of expressing
 that you love someone with all your heart and mind and soul while ostensibly
 you are insulting them. >>

>From Larry:
Yes, Andrew, you did just say something--something wonderful and illuminating,
something I forget (especially in a medium which makes it difficult to hear
"tone").  But if I pictured your face and tone from our face-to-face
encounters it would of course get it--the lightness, even sweetness of your
insults.

When I was in the eighth grade, the only way friends communicated with each
other was by insult.  I made a decision that this was "childish" and "hurtful"
and lost some capacity for playing that way.  I opted for the importance of
being earnest.

Which reminds me of a story about Oscar Wilde.  Someone complained to him that
he was the victim of a "conspiracy of silence" in their circle, and asked
Wilde what he should do about it.  Wilde's advice was succinct:  "Join it."

On Accountability:
Could some of you share what you are seeing (and being and doing) in this
area?  What is the distinction between accountability and promise to produce a
specific result by a specific time?  What is the distinction between
accountability and "vocation" or "calling" or "ordination" in the Carolyn Myss
sense of being "ordained" by a community to provide what one is designed to
provide?  Are those around us likely to know more about our accountability
than we are?  What do we know in this forum about each others'
accountabilities?  For what do we come to each other?  For what do people come
to each of us?  

At work I'd say I'm accountable for people finding work which is a good fit.
At home I'm accountable for providing income.  At Landmark I'm accountable for
leading Wisdom pre-course meetings.  I feel very young in this conversation.
My "wiring" is to be accountable for nothing and have people be pleasantly
surprised if I contribute more than that.  I still have accountability (or
promising) completely collapsed with burden, failing to meet the expectations
of others.  As soon as I make a promise I am immediately "at the effect" of
it.  I accomplish quite a lot, but accountability seems to have little to do
with it.

(I see one exception to what I have said.  I am now empowered by my promise to
Wendy to be her partner "until death do us part."  I now see it as a source of
freedom to create rather than a burden.)

One more thing:
I have a request that we make every effort to respond to specific words and
sentences or specific people.  I make the generalization that generalization
causes confusion.  One example is Janet's "orations on the obvious."  I have
no idea what this means.  Are you talking to me?  If so, I would like to know
that you are talking to me.  Were you talking to Brian, Ina, Seth, all of us
who write more than a paragraph?  What was obvious?  What was worth talking
about, what wasn't worth your attention?  (This is an example, not a request
that you answer these questions, Janet.)

Two other examples are things I said.  I went on a rant about people who talk
about deleting messages, and said something about voyeurs.  This was stupid on
my part, and I apologize.  I can't even remember who said what I was
responding to, but it probably left some people wondering if I was talking to
them.  I take that whole paragraph back, and apologize for it.  



From ab@e24mp.demon.co.uk Sun Aug 16 12:23:10 1998
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