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	Rex Ballard - Director of Electronic Distribution
	http://cnj.digex.net/~rballard

On Fri, 26 Jan 1996, fathers wrote:
> This message is forwarded to the Signatories to the FATHERS' MANIFESTOsm.
> The FATHERS' MANIFESTOsm Home Page is:
> 
> http://idt.liberty.com/~fathers9/home.htm
> 
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> Date: Thu, 25 Jan 1996 05:14:29 -0500
> From: JoinTMI@aol.com
> 
> Henryk Kowalski wrote:
> 
> >Wake up America! your country is going down the gurgle. The likes of
> Hilary's are making sure that MEN stays second class citizens. 
> 
> Yes.
> 
> >Organize A MILLION MEN's MARCH, do sit-ins in front of the Capitol,
> demonstrate in front of the white house, organize passive resistance against
> the evils of our society, boycott businesses & establishments who are against
> MEN, support the one's that are supporting us, write to newspapers, contact
> the media, arrange the WORD to spread far and wide, speak in unified voice,
> unite for the common cause, stop fragmentation, seek the help of learned MEN,
> create a "war" fund and ask for donations globally, get women who are
> sympathetic to our cause and get them to fight on our side, ONLY WE HAVE TO
> MOVE FAST!

Campaign intensely for Steve Forbes.  Punish Bob Dole for pushing 
"dead-beat-dad" laws, the Pressler/Exxon amendment, and suspending the 
constitution.  Forbes may be the Devil incarnate, but it would send a 
clear message, especially in the early primaries and caucuses that men 
are not willing to pay 85% of their income to a system which seems intent 
to enslave them in "work camps" - The gates of Auchwitz were lettered - 
"Work Makes Free".  Only 100,000 of the 15 Million who went to the camps 
ever lived to see another day of freedom.

At least with someone who actually PAYS TAXES and recognizes that the 
incrimental tax rate and clever deduction system that punishes the 
Working NCP Father three ways may be willing to resist the temptation to 
round us up and put us in quanset huts like Fort Dix as "slave labor" for 
the welfare system.

I studied and disciplined myself for 30 years to be able to make enough 
to support my wife and children.  I asked only that she be a lover, a 
friend, and a confident.  She refused to be my lover (giving herself to 
another man, seducing him with the clothes I purchased for her which she 
refused to wear for me).  She refused to be my friend, publicly 
humiliating me in front of coworkers, superiors, and friends.  And she 
used my most intimate secrets, shared in moments of deep intimacy to 
blackmail me into excepting her terms for the marriage and the later 
divorce.  She finally useed the power of the law to extort payments which 
were embezzled.  Finally, she and her husband defrauded the federal 
government of Social Security Payments.  Finally, she refused visitation 
and demanded that I not see the children because my generous and 
unconditional love was undermining their Discipline.

I do not like being a victim.  I have trained myself to be responsible 
for every choice made, every action taken, and every action not taken.  I 
have trained myself to make restitution where needed, even if I did not 
agree with the original grievance.

Yes, I waited until two weeks after we moved in together before I 
revealed some of my intimate sexual preferences.  I chose to believe that 
she had accepted them and on that basis proposed marriage.  Yes, I agreed 
to let her tie me up the day she conceived our child.  Previous episodes 
had included the use of condoms to prevent conception.  We had discussed 
the possibility of having children and she promised to stay with me at 
least the first 20 years of their lives.

Had I known she was using litmus paper and a thermometer to be absolutely 
certain that conception would occur.  Had I known she was repulsed by any 
form of sexual contact (due to a previous rape by another man 5 years 
before we ever met).  Had I known that she would never initiate sex 
with me again, that she would only have sex with me twice a year, and 
that she would limit that sex to masturbation with a vibrator, I would 
not have let her tie me up.

Had I known that she had already begun making plans for the divorce 
(including moving to a state where refusal to have sex was not a 
mitigating factor in custody/support determination).  Had I known that 
her sudden desire for sexual intercourse was based on litmus and 
thermometer determination to have another baby, to provide the only 
granddaughter in either parent's family.  I would not have participated 
in the second event.

Had I known that we would have sexual intercourse only 4 more times (2 
miscarriages) after the confirmed conception of our first child, I would 
not have willingly participated in their conception.

Had I known how uncomfortable she was in the marriage, I would have
encouraged her to find the kind of man she could love BEFORE I conceived
children. 

Had I known I would only be able to see them for 9 hours in 5 years, and 
that I would be paying over $1000/month in child support and related 
expenses and insurances, I would not have conceived those children with 
that woman in the first place.

I did conceive them.  I did love them.  I loved their mother.  I did 
everything I could to support them during their stay with me.  I did 
everything I could to make sure that the child support was paid, whether 
they needed it or not.  I honored my commitment.

I have seen my children so little in the last few years, I don't even 
know who they are.  I didn't even recognize my 12 years-old son's voice.
When they last came to my apartment, Amanda played with Barbie Dolls and 
Nicky played with toy radios.  Today, Amanda looks like a Barbie Doll and 
Nicky builds real radios from spare parts.  Amanda coordinates the 
mentoring program for her school.  Nicholas is all-city champ in the Math 
Bee and a finalist in the Spelling Bee.  Both have IQs of nearly 200 and 
are constantly on the honor list.  I wish I could take credit for this, 
but I am just a wallet.  I praise them for their accomplishements and 
tell them to love their mother and stepfather.  It hurts, but this is 
what must be done to make sure that I am allowed to talk to them again.

> No. 
> That would require action. And action is the last thing men seem to want to
> do. You want action? Interrupt the Super Bowl. You want inaction? Take jobs,
> families, kids, money, and meaning from men's lives.

I work 50 to 60 hours/week, I attend training programs 10-20 hours/week.  
I volunteer and do service work.  I help drug addicts get of drugs and 
become responsible productive members of society.  I even help women get 
off the streets as prostitutes and get themselves educated and employed 
in worthy and responsible jobs.  In my late nights, while waiting for the
systems to complete the end of day processing, I write a few responses to 
angry men and people who want to make a difference in the quality of 
lives for men, women, and children.

I am not interested in trying to enroll the world into the injustice of 
my situation.  I am not interested in becoming the "Public Victim and 
Martre".  I am not interested in depicting women as evil, selfish 
conspirators.  I have compassion for my wife.  I can understand why she 
did what she did when she did it.  Some day, I hope I will fall in love 
with a woman who will fall in love with me instead of the boy with the 
"Toys".  I'm 40 years old now, it's hard to compete with a guy who looks 
like Tom Cruise, and makes half as much as I do but has the use of 80% of 
his income.

I'd like to enjoy the New York culture.  Perhaps, when the child support 
is paid and the schedule required to earn the money to pay it are no 
longer issues, I will be able to see a show, go to a museum, or even 
watch a Movie.

The law is the law.  I can vote, I can contribute funds to candidates I 
agree with, and I can lend coaching and support to their campaign 
workers.  I could even talk on a phone - if I had the time and the money.
Until then, I can choose the modest comforts of a 300 square-foot 
efficiency or I can protest, rebel, and resist and share a 400 
square-foot cell with 3 other men.  Either one is a prison, but I prefer 
a bit of privacy and the freedom to work and write until midnight.

I prefer the 500 square-foot office, with it's 4 workstations and network 
attachement to hosts and the internet to a library table in a room with 
bars on the windows giving a view of the wall of the prison, or the open 
roads of Georgia or Arkansas, clearing weeds and draining swamps, trying 
to remember where I last saw that 'Gator.

> >Here in Australia, we also, have the same problems that you guys in America
> have only, sad to say, Australian men cannot be bothered to get off their
> lazy butts and do something.

> What do you mean, "only"? It's the SAME here, not different. And in Israel,
> too. And around the world. Men nap while thieves steal their wealth.

It takes too much energy to focus on my failed marriage.  I would much 
rather focus on the successes of my job and my volunteer work.  I chose a 
woman who didn't choose me.  I didn't find out until after the kids were 
born how she really felt about me.  It was only when my sister came to 
live with us for the final months of our marriage that I learned how much 
she schemed and planned our marriage and divorce.

> >To those of us who will be saying: " Yeah, Yeah, we know all that, so what
> else is new?.." That's precisely IT. NOTHING IS NEW, WE STILL LANGUISH & GET
> DEPRESSED ABOUT WHAT's HAPPENING TO US.
> You hit it absolutely on the head, Henryk! 
> Golden goose after golden goose walks by, yet men prefer poverty to reaching
> out. 

> This is a goddam PRESIDENTIAL election year in America! Yet all talk of
> family and children insists men, first and foremost, MUST PAY MONEY!

Remember, 51% of the population, about 85% of the democratic left, are 
women and the children of single parent families, dependents or former 
dependents of the child-support and Welfare system.  Clinton is on the 
verge of political suicide by considering a bill that forces women to go 
back into the work-force after only two years of education.

Why settle for 2 years of welfare when you can get 20 years of child 
support?  Why have to choose between "Geek Gates" and "Stud Swaizee" when 
you can have it all.  You can have the Geeks money and keep the stud as a 
"boy toy".  To the liberal democrats, the alternative is to put mom and 
studly in the slammer and put the kids into an orphanage, next to Oliver 
Twist and Little Orpan Annie.

> You
> think Clinton authorized one nickel to make men be with their kids? No. He's
> allocating millions to hunt down men, like fugitive slaves; he can't HURT men
> enough.

Perhaps this is because he never had a REAL father.

> But he rejected welfare reform because it didn't HELP women enough!
> Two years isn't enough for rough-n'-tough/frail-and-pale wimmin. They need
> college educations, and good jobs, and all the things men have to work their
> asses off for.

I worked 100 hours/week to get through college.  I worked 40 hours/week, 
went to classes 20 hours/week, did homework 20 hours/week, and did "Lab 
Work" 20 hours/week.  This was after spending 30 hours/week in 
self-directed study of electronics, physics, chemistry, math, philosophy, 
and humanities in addition to the 30 hours/week in classrooms and 
homework for 12 years.

Someone who thinks a "party doll" is going to "get with the program" and 
become totally ingrained in the culture of personal responsibility, 
accountability, and honor in a 2 or 4 year program where they get their 
degree in "Party Skills" (humanities, languages, art, theather, dance, 
and music) is living in a fantasy.  The best you can hope for is that 
they will meet some good looking guy who's in the MBA program.

> And the ever-loving wonder of it, the stunning kicker to it all is: MEN TAKE IT. 
> You'd think they'd be livid. Or do more than sit back, talk, and expect
> "something" to change for the better "somehow" over a "very long, long, long
> time."
> 
> How much "time" do you think the government gives MEN to pay child support?

About 20 years minimum sentence.  Even if you could pay it all at once, 
they'd want more every time you got a raise or a promotion.

> Not a second. In fact, most states are automatically docking men's pay checks
> BEFORE men see them.

They dock 4 times.  There's the FICA dip to pay for the disabled 
boyfriend.  There's the FED Tax tip to pay for the woman who let the real 
father off the hook.  There's the State Income and Sales tax to insure 
that the man can't escape and of the peculure quirks of the local 
constible.  And THEN we get the hook for the Child Support, and of course 
there's that Insurance premium to compete with the hyper-inflated costs 
of medical care generated medicade and medicare.  The largest percentage 
goes to "Tharapists" (marriage councellors, social workers, 
psychologists, and of course the lawyers who represent them).

If you have anything left, it will be needed for the 401K or IRA you have 
to maintain for your ex and the copayments for the medical, dental, 
vision, day-care, and housing expenses which are ONLY deductable if the 
children live with you.

> Not only that, agencies will go BACK in time, and
> collect retroactive pounds-of-flesh from men.

It only makes sense if he owns property, real-estate and IRA/401K plans 
that can be drained while being taxed at the 38% rate.

> And again, men put up with this!

The Jews on the Road to Babi Yar could hear the machine-guns ahead.  As 
they stripped, they saw their families being killed in front of them.  
The ditches along the sides of the road were lined with the bodies of 
dead Jews who tried to escape.  Those who made it to the huge 30 foot 
wide, 20 feet deep ditches accepted their fate.  They chose to die in the 
company of those they loved rather than see their families tortured and 
mutiliated in front of them because they attempted to run.

> They can't see their kids, but they'll pay support! 

God, Grant me to Accept the Serenity to Accept the Things I cannot change.

> Ask them to rise up together, and exert political pressure, and they
> immediately squabble about whose idea is better. Bills are discussed for
> years before coming law, but men never bother to weigh-in on such matters.
> But boy do they wail forever once the law is passed!

Men participate at every level.  Almost every man loves, or has loved, a 
woman.  The thought of having that woman destitute and impoverished by a 
system that would force her to "turn tricks in the alley", is still very 
real.  The sweeping reforms of the divorce laws occured in 1976-1978.  
Prior to that, women were often left with their children, living on 
welfare and "John Money".  It's as real as the "coat-hanger abortions" 
performed prior to Roe-vs-Wade.

> The BEST idea is the one that WORKS. But men seem not to care what works.
> They keep doing the same thing over and over and over again, expecting a
> different outcome. That's the textbook definition of...insanity!

My Grandfather, my Father, and several of my uncles, became insanely 
wealthy and were totally supported by their wives.  These men did 
something that gave great RESULTS!  Some day, now or next year, I would 
like to have access to that.  Telling a group of women that you are a 
father's rights avocate can have women thinking your 3 notches below Newt 
Gingrich, 2 notches below O.J. Simpson, and 1 notch below a slime slug.

> Think men will wake up?
> Not!

We believe in Love.  Unconditional, everlasting, life-long/eternal, love 
that blends Lust, Passion, Intimacy, Extacy, Joy, Compassion, Friendship, 
and Partnership.  Of course, we once believed in Santa Clause, The Easter 
Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and that we would marry a Virgin.  Some of us 
even tried to be virgins until our own marriages.

> You can have millions of men dying of prostate cancer, and no all-male
> schools; you can have women in the military, but not one sent into harm's
> way; you can have 10,000 ads showing only men cause domestic violence, and 30
> years of research saying WOMEN are half to blame: no matter. These and
> hundreds of other jarring contradictions don't rile men enough to cause the
> to act.

The Jury never saw the pictures of O.J. Simpson's handiwork after he 
would beat Nichole.  The public saw it on the cover pages of almost every 
tabloid and "pop" magazine.  The woman who drowned her to boys was shown 
weeping, crying, wearing cute, "virginal" dresses, and claiming to be the 
victim of her evil boyfriend.

About the only really great "Villain" woman in the media was Tonya 
Harding.  But it was a Man who tried to shatter the other woman's 
kneecap.

Let's face it.  The only thing more "true" than men's inhumanity to women 
is men's inhumanity to men.  I was 7 years old when I watched soldiers in 
VietNam tie, torture, beat, and eventually shoot other, younger and 
smaller, men on network television, during prime-time, in "living Color".
American men pride themselves on their "Bad Ass" lifestyles.  
Intellectuals are portrayed by characters like "ERKLE" or John Moranis.  
Compassionate men are portrayed as or by homosexuals.  Even our clothes 
are hewn of course abrasive fibers designed to "armor plate" and 
intimidate.

A man spends over 98% of his public life with only his neck, face, and 
hands exposed.  In urban neighorhoods, only the fingertips are exposed 
and the face is covered with opaque glasses, facial hair, high collars, 
and baggy pants.  The baggy pants and coats are capable of hiding 
everything from a vial of coke to an AK-47.

> Feminism need not be strong or tenacious. It only has to pick men as its
> target. Because men will destroy themselves, given the least nudge.

Feminism points at the violence, evasivenes, and insecurity of the 
masculine ideals of the street, board-room, and blue-callar male.  Men 
tend to react by "Closing Ranks", demanding more regimentation and 
conformity.  Men's groups often become paramilitary or Tribal-Warrior in 
nature.  The men's movement pretends to offer "freedom" while demanding 
conformity.

To the never-married young man, the slightly effeminate, nerdy, 
intellectual, or happily married man, the men's movement represents the 
qualities they most dispise in men.  To the young man whose father left 
him when he was six (we know he was driven out but he thinks he was 
abandoned), who was beat up by the jocks for wearing a pastel shirt or a 
"fag-boy" sweater, who was riculed for his hairless chest and his hairy 
legs, and has experienced beatings at the hands of other boys and men, 
the men's movement represents a total loss of freedom.

Most men would rather risk the possibility of being the slave of his own 
misguided love, than face the certainty of being a slave to the masculine 
ideal.  The day a man can show up in Corporate America in a short skirt 
and heels is the day he will be willing to support your desire to 
achieve equity and due process with regard to custody and child support.

My mother was raped by a REAL MAN!
My ex-wife was raped by a REAL MAN! (Two of them).
My sister was raped by a REAL MAN! (twice).
My daughter was molested by a REAL MAN! (a preacher yet!)
My son was incested by a girl who was incested by a REAL MAN!
I was incested by a girl who was incested by a REAL MAN! (A Shriner!).
I was beaten daily for 2 years under the supervision of a REAL MAN 
(athletic coach).
My first fiance was taken from me by a REAL MAN (with a Corvette!).
My first love was taken by a REAL MAN (a Jock) who left her pregnant and 
desparate.
5 woman I madly loved were taken from me, and abandonded after becoming 
pregnant by REAL MEN!

I was beaten up for being a sissy by REAL MEN (in little bodies)!
I was beaten up for being a "queer" (even though I had no sexual interest 
in men) by REAL MEN (many of whom wanted to have sex with me).
The judge wanted to hit me with the maximum support/compensation package 
because I was a "Faggot" and he was a REAL MAN!  (My lawyer was gay).
My ex's next husband wasn't a "Real Man", but he LOOKED like one! (hair 
everywhere and a face/body like Tom Sellick in his early "Magnum" days.)

Why don't I want to go out to the National Monument and burn a copy of my 
divorce decree along with an effegy of Judge Lawyer (the one who 
sentenced me to 20 years of hard labor and a monastic lifestyle)?  
Because I would end up in PRISON with a bunch of REAL MEN!

If you want me to speak at your rally, I'll be wearing a DRESS.

> -Robert
	Rex

From rballard@cnj.digex.net Wed Feb  7 23:33:49 1996