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	Rex Ballard - Director of Electronic Distribution
	http://cnj.digex.net/~rballard

> From: jeanfranc@accent.net
> Subject: Re: A Father's Success Story! ??

> I have full custody of my son, and his mother also tries from time to time
> to stir up troubles between me and him.

How do you think women win their battles in the first place!  Remember in 
high-school, the girl you liked convinced you that some other guy was 
abusing her and you stuck up for her?  Remember the time you deliberately 
missed a question or two so that you could lower the curve so that she 
could get the grade she needed?  The strategy of women is to convince you 
that she is the victim!

When Loreena Bobbit did her butcher-knife surgery on John's John Thomas,
she successfully convinced police and the court that she had been so
abused that she was justified in committing aggrevated assault with a
deadly wepon.  The woman who poured gasoline over her husband and turned
him into a roman candle while he slept, was aquitted because she was the
victim. 

Judges, especially male judges, are suckers for a pretty woman in a 
frilly white dress, with a sad story about being an innocent victim.
Wait until some "dainty femme" blows up the superbowl because she was the 
innocent victem of both football teams the night before.  She'll be aquitted.

> I would suggest to establish a very strong emotional connection bewteen you
> two before even thinking bad things about the other parents, and even
> there....

The irony is that she is doing exactly what any NCP would do.  She's 
hurt, she's angry, and she wants her kids back at all costs.  Rather than 
try to get her own lawyer, she's trying to get the schools and 
councellors involved.  It's brilliant!  We should tell all of our kids to 
report every abusive word or action.  Mom will be terrified to look at 
the kids cross-eyed.  Let HER try walking on eggshells for a few years.

> ALso, do avoid any situation that could be misinterpreted by them, as
> walking naked and going in the bathroom when he is naked. Be strong with
> his self-respect in everyway, especially those kinds as mentioned.

There's this ivory soap commercial.  The mom is encouraging the kid to 
take a shower with daddy.  The kid is scared until they give him his own 
bar of soap.  It's amazing isn't it.  If mom wasn't there, he would be a 
perverted pedophile who should be jailed and publicly identified as a 
child molester for the rest of his life.  Just by adding a "Mom" the 
scene becomes wholesome and healty?

> It could be possible that your ex is only responding to her lawyer's request...

All my lawyer told me, when I faxed him a note from my wife saying that 
she wanted to put him in a foster home because he was being insubordinate 
to his step-father, was that I STILL had to come up with $50,000 in 
lawyer money and social worker bribes (er uh - fees).

> Tell me first, do you have full custody of the kid(s)?

Second, how did you get whatever custody you got?

> Jean
> 
> >---------- Forwarded message ----------
> >Date: Tue, 20 Feb 1996 12:41:58 -0500
> >From: Jim O'Kane 

> >I finally got the last judgement from the judge on child-support and
> >visitation for my kids this past Thursday, and (amazingly!) the judge gave
> >me, a dad, exactly what I petitioned for.

What supporting evidence did you have to provide?
It sounds like you're a winner.  We'd like to know how you did it!

> >Now, I've got a different problem. My ex has gone even more berzerk, now
> >that the order's in. She's calling the kids every day, telling my son that
> >he needs to tell his school counsellor, social services, and the police that
> >he's being abused by his father.

Wouldn't it be interesting to get that one on tape?  You might even be 
able to have her arrested for conspiracy to commit perjury and 
contributing to the delinquency of a minor.  That's what they would do to 
us if we tried a stunt like that.

It might be interesting to see if the tactic could work in reverse.  More 
importantly, when you know that your children ARE being abused, have them 
go to the authorities instead of you going to your lawyer.

> >My son is under a great deal of pressure to
> >appease his mom, but he's in a bind because he's actually having a good time
> >living at home with me and his sister.

Unfortunately, it does leave you in a bind as far as discipline.  If he 
stops liking it there, you go down as a child molester or a child beater.
Did you ever beat your wife?  Did you ever force her to have sex with you?

> > He's not abused, physically,
> >verbally, or otherwise; and he's actually made new friends in his middle
> >school since he came back home last August. But, my ex is still stirring the
> >pot, and it's driving the kids crazy.

I can think of few NCPs who wouldn't do anything they could to get their 
kids back.  I'm sure some of the posters on this group have given serious 
thought to praying that she has an accidental drug overdose.  When I 
heard that my ex's husband was making her crazy because he didn't want 
sex, I almost started howling!  It is a just punishment.  After giving me 
"blue balls" for 10 years, he is doing the same to her.  I just hope he 
lives long enough to see her seducing another man!

Revenge, even of this type, is a bitter pill that gives me little joy.  I 
would rather love again.  Will I ever love again?

> >I don't want to petition the court again and ask for a restriction in
> >contact between mom and the kids, but I don't see another solution. I'm sick
> >to death of the legal wrangling, but I can't talk to my ex about solving
> >this because she's decided on being irrational. Any suggestions? Thanks.

What your wife is doing is completely rational.  Loosing children is a 
major shock to anyone, mother or father.  The shock is more intense 
because I'm sure she actually expected to get the kids, turn you into a 
"once a month inconvenience", and be able to be disgustingly gracious.

If you really want to make her crazy, be as generous as you can stand to 
be.  Let her come with you on the off week-ends.  Let her see them more 
often that the minimum, and be disgustingly wonderful each time.  She 
will hate herself for the rest of her life for letting you go.

A wise man once told me:
	The greatest revenge in the world is to "Live Well".  No one can
	get even with you for doing it, and anyone who resents you will
	suffer ten times more than if you had retaliated.  It takes the
	same amount of energy and you eat better food. 

> >/Jim/

	Rex


From rballard@cnj.digex.net Tue Feb 20 19:50:11 1996