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On 7 Nov 1994, MELISSA wrote:

> Could anyone please give me some advice?  I am taking my ex-husband to
> court on a contempt motion for back child support and back medical
> expenses.  I am doing this  pro se.  Could someone please tell me what
> I might expect.  The hearing is five days before Christmas and I don't
> really want him to go to jail,

If he's found in contempt of court, he could be put in jail.  If he has 
any salable assets, they will be seized.  If he has any tax refunds due, 
they will be siezed.  You will be advised to collect aid from DYFSS.  If 
you're white and the kids are very young and healty, the social workers 
will watch you very carefully.  You can get welfare, DYFSS will collect 
the money from your husband and pay you the minimum.

> I just want him to help support our two
> beautiful children that he has chosen not to  see anymore.  Thanks a
> bunch!

Let's just suppose that after 10 or 20 "inspections" DYFSS decides your 
kids will be better off in a foster home.  It's O.K. you'll get to see 
them every two weeks.  By the way, you will have to pay your share of 
child support.  DYFSS is really good at creating imputed income (what 
they think you can make if you really wanted to).  Let's assume that you 
can make at least $24k/year as a word-processor or typist.  You get to 
pay uncle sam $8k/year in FICA, TAXES, and insurances.  Now you get to 
pay $8k/year in child support (only $600/month).  You still get a whole 
$8k/month to live on.  You can share an apartment with someone and still 
have enough left over for transportation to and from work.

Of course, each time you see your children, all the wonderful memories of 
all the wonderful times you had together, the promises of their father 
and of the social workers and councillors will ring as flashbacks, as 
real during the visit as they were the day they were made.  You will fall 
madly in love with your kids all over.

Then you will have to take them back to the foster parents.  You don't 
like them, you don't know if you can trust them, but you have no choice.  
You will feel the pain of separation for the next two weeks.  You won't 
let your guard down as much next time, because you don't want it to hurt 
so bad.  Of course, the kids feel it too.  They react by rebelling 
against their guardians.  Soon the foster parents are filing complaints 
because your visits disrupt the children's lives.  Eventually, you must 
choose to either give them up entirely so that they can receive proper 
care and love, or be responsible for the fact that they will become 
juevinile delinquents.  But they won't let you give them up.  You must 
continue to pay child support until they find suitable parents.  
Meanwhile, the foster parents (the most likely to adopt) are in no hurry 
to lose the income from either you or their father, so they won't adopt 
unless they absolutely have to.

Remember, it's all in the best interests of the children.  You want the 
kids to continue to live in the manner in which they have been accustomed 
don't you?  You want them to have the best possible care don't you?  
Unfortunately, your car breaks down and you have to miss a few payments.  
Soon you are arrested for non-support and forced live with someone who 
will rape you (the guards know it too).  It serves you right, being such 
an irresponsible parent.  You should be grateful that the foster parents 
aren't as irresponsible as you.  If they didn't need your income, we'd 
turn the kids over to them right now.  Since you are such a bad 
influence, we'll only allow you supervised visitation for 2 hours/month.

This is the scenario the man goes through.  We don't even take into 
acount the shame, guilt, and frustration of being unable to have/keep the 
promises you made on the day of your wedding.  Whatever he did to you, 
and whatever you did to him, pales in comparison to the pain he must face 
each time a support payment is due, a visit is made or missed, or even to 
look into the face of a child an not see the face of your own.

You're right, you have to be.  You couldn't be that cruel if you weren't.

	Rex Ballard.


From rballard@cnj.digex.net Mon Nov 14 02:33:13 1994
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